Thursday, November 03, 2011

English is an absolutely hilarious language...

  • We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, but the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes...
  • One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese...
  • You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, yet the plural of house is houses, not hice...
  • If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen...?
  • If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet...?
  • If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth...?
  • Then one may be that, and there would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose...
  • We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren...
  • Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim...!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language...
  • There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple...
  • English muffins weren't invented in England...
  • We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig...
  • And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham...?
  • Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend...?
  • If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it...?
  • If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught...?
  • If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat...?
  • And I have always wondered if pro is opposite of con, how are congress and progress related to each other...
  • Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane...
  • In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital...?
  • We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
  • We have noses that run and feet that smell...
  • We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway...
  • And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites...?
  • You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language, in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on...
  • If Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop...

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