Mischievous Saarthak did not answer wrong, but got zero marks...

As soon as I saw the answer-sheet, my son Mischievous Saarthak brought home from the school, I went livid, as he got zero marks in that...

I scolded him for that, and asked, "How did it happen, when you said, you answered all the questions right...?"

Saarthak replied in a calm voice, "See for yourself, Papa... I really have not answered any of the questions wrong..."

I took a look at the answer-sheet, and found his answers in the following manner...

Question One: In which battle did Ibrahim Lodi die...?
Saarthak answered: His last battle...

Question Two: In the United States of America, where was the Declaration of Independance Signed...?
Saarthak answered: At the Bottom of the Page...

Question Three: River Ganga flows in which state...?
Saarthak answered: Liquid...

Question Four: What is the main reason for divorce...?
Saarthak answered: Marriage...

Question Five: What is the main reason for failures...?
Saarthak answered: Examinations...

Mischievous Saarthak asks, what is sex...

Once Mischievous Saarthak asked his dad, "Papa, what is sex...?"

Father, knowing his son, got tensed at first, but thought if I don't tell him, he will definitely try getting the answer from anywhere else, and may get wrong and misleading information; so, started explaining everything to the young lad, from puberty, to menstrual cycle, to sexual intercourse, to pregnancy, and to safe sex...

Saarthak listened very attentively and carefully, to everything his dad was uttering, and when the dad stopped talking, he asked innocently, "But Papa, how would I write so many things in the small box here, in the school admission form...?

Saarthak, the maths class, and 69...

The teacher once asked Mischievous Saarthak, "What comes after 69...?"

Saarthak, as always, replied smiling, "Mouthwash, madam..."

Mischievous Saarthak should be in third grade...

The female teacher was having continuous trouble with Mischievous Saarthak, so, one fine day, she asked, "Saarthak, what is your problem, sonny...?"

Saarthak answered, "I'm too smart for the Kinder Garten... In my locality I play with some elder kids, and I'm really smarter than they are... So, I think I should be in the third-grade, at least...!"

The teacher had had enough, so, she took Saarthak to the principal's office, and made him wait outside the office, while she explained to the principal what the situation was...

The principal told the teacher that he would give Saarthak a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions, he was to go back to the Kinder Garten and behave...

The teacher readily agreed to this, Saarthak was brought in, the conditions were explained to him, and he agreed to take the test...

Principal started asking questions, "What is 3x3, Saarthak...?"

Saarthak replied, "9, sir..."

"What is 6x6...?"

"36, sir..."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grader should know...

After 10-12 questions, the principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Saarthak can go to the third-grade..."

The teacher still looked adamant, and said, "I have some of my own questions... Can I ask him...?"

Both the principal and Saarthak agreed...

Teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of...?"

Saarthak, after a moment, replied, "Legs, Ma'am..."

Teacher threw the next queston, "What is that you have in your pants but I do not...?"

Saarthak replied immediately, "Pockets, Ma'am..."

"What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval-shaped, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid...?"

"Coconut, Ma'am..."

"What goes in hard and pink and then comes out soft and sticky...?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Saarthak replied, "Bubblegum, Ma'am..."

"What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs...?"

"Shake hands, Ma'am..."

"Now, I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay...?"

"Yes, Ma'am..."

"You stick your pole inside me... You tie me down to get me up... I get wet before you do..."

"Tent, Ma'am..."

"A finger goes in me... You fiddle with me when you're bored... The best man always has me first..."

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tensed, but Saarthak replied in a calm tone, "Wedding Ring, Ma'am..."

"I come in many sizes... When I'm not well, I drip... When you blow me, you feel good..."

"Nose, Ma'am..."

I have a stiff shaft... My tip penetrates... I come with a quiver..."

"Arrow, Ma'am..."

What word starts with an 'F' and ends in a 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement...?"

"Firetruck, Ma'am..."

"What word starts with an 'F' and ends in a 'K' & if you don't get it, you have to use your hand..."

"Fork, Ma'am..."

"What is it that all men have one of... It's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married...?"

"Surname, Ma'am..."

"What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, likes pumping, and is responsible for making love...?"

"Heart, Ma'am..."

The teacher stopped ultimately with a helpless look on her face...

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send Saarthak to Delhi University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself..."

Mischievous Saarthak in the medical store...

Mischievous Saarthak walks into a medical store and asks the pharmacist, "Hello sir, do you have any Acetylsalicylic Acid...?"

The pharmacist looks puzzled for a while, and ultimately he calls up his father and tells him about what Saarthak had asked for...

The father replied, and the pharmacist, looking at Saarthak questioningly, asked, "Do you mean aspirin...?"

Saarthak smiles, and replies, "That's it... I can never remember that word..."

What comes after 69...?

The teacher asks Mischievous Saarthak in the class, "What comes after 69...?" 

Saarthak, like he always does, replies smiling, "You rinse out your mouth and wash off your face..."

Mischievous Saarthak and Roses...

One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage...

She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink...? How about you, Saarthak...?"

"Milk..." answered Mischievous Saarthak...

"No, I'm sorry... That's the wrong answer... Roses drink water," explained the teacher...

"Wow..." Mischievous Saarthak exclaimed, "I didn't know the stem was that long..."

Good manners and etiquette...

During the good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students, "If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two, you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her...?"

Mahesh replies, "Wait a minute, Honey, I'm going for a piss..."

The teacher says, "That would be very rude and improper on your part..."

Then Jagdish replies, "I'm sorry, I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute..."

The teacher says, "That's much better but to mention the word toilet during a meal, is unpleasant..."

And then Mischievous Saarthak says, "My dear, please excuse me for a moment... I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner..."

The teacher passed out...