- Malaysian Airlines ultimately sent an SMS to Rajinikanth, "OK Rajinikanth... Enough is enough... You win, OK... Now please tell us where our plane is..."
- Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea...
- Rajinikanth knows Victoria's secret...
- Rajinikanth got small pox when he was a kid... As a result small pox is now eradicated...
- If Rajinikanth's PC hangs... It's time for next Windows release...
- Sun doesn't rise until Rajinikanth says 'Good morning'...
- Rajinikanth was preparing for a spelling test, the rough sheet he used is known as Oxford Dictionary...
- Rajinikanth once wrote a cheque... The bank bounced...
- When Rajinikanth logs on to FaceBook.com, FaceBook updates its status message!!!
- When God watched Rajinikanth's movie 'Robot', he said, "Oh my Rajinikanth!!!"
चुटकुला ऐसी संज्ञा है, जिससे कोई भी अपरिचित नहीं... हंसने-हंसाने के लिए दुनिया के हर कोने में इसका प्रयोग होता है... खुश रहना चाहता हूं, खुश रहना जानता हूं, सो, चुटकुले लिखने-पढ़ने और सुनने-सुनाने का शौकीन हूं... कुछ चुनिंदा चुटकुले, या हंसगुल्ले, आप लोगों के सामने हैं... सर्वलोकप्रिय श्रेणियों 'संता-बंता', 'नॉनवेज चुटकुले', 'पति-पत्नी' के अलावा कुछ बेहतरीन हास्य कविताएं और मेरी अपनी श्रेणी 'शरारती सार्थक' भी पढ़िए, और खुद को गुदगुदाइए...
Showing posts with label English Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label English Jokes. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Rajinikanth one-liners, once more on public demand - Part Eight...
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Golden rules for f***ing...
1. F***ing once a week is good for health, but is harmful if done everyday...
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation to mind and body...
3. F***ing refreshes you...
4. After F***ing, don't take heavy food, opt for liquids instead...
5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level...
6. F***ing reduces weight for sure...
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So, by now, you must have understood that Fasting is good for health...
Hmmm... But I like the way your mind works though...
Courtesy: Vaibhav Rastogi
2. F***ing gives proper relaxation to mind and body...
3. F***ing refreshes you...
4. After F***ing, don't take heavy food, opt for liquids instead...
5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level...
6. F***ing reduces weight for sure...
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So, by now, you must have understood that Fasting is good for health...
Hmmm... But I like the way your mind works though...
Courtesy: Vaibhav Rastogi
कीवर्ड अथवा लेबल
English Jokes,
Fucking rules,
Funny Jokes,
Golden rules for fucking,
Hilarious Jokes,
New Jokes,
Vivek Rastogi,
Vivek Rastogi Jokes,
नए चुटकुले,
नॉनवेज,
मजेदार चुटकुले,
मजेदार जोक्स,
मस्त चुटकुले,
मस्त जोक्स,
विवेक रस्तोगी,
विवेक रस्तोगी के चुटकुले,
सेक्सी चुटकुले,
हंसगुल्ले,
हिन्दी चुटकुले,
हिन्दी जोक्स
Friday, August 02, 2013
वाट लगा देता है शाब्दिक अनुवाद... (Translating, literally, will kill anything...)
A Firangi asked me if I can help him understand the literal meaning of this song...
"बलम पिचकारी, जो तूने मुझे मारी, तो सीधी-सादी छोरी शराबी हो गई...
जीन्स पहनके, जो तूने मारा ठुमका, तो लट्टू पड़ोसन की भाभी हो गई..."
I sheepishly answered, "Dear beloved, when you assaulted me with a stream of water from a liquid projectile launcher, an ostensibly normal and balanced female became alcoholic... When you wore denim and oscillated your pelvic girdle in one direction, the adjoining resident's sister-in-law began showing symptoms of an obsession-driven psychological disorder..."
Courtesy: Vaibhav Rastogi
"बलम पिचकारी, जो तूने मुझे मारी, तो सीधी-सादी छोरी शराबी हो गई...
जीन्स पहनके, जो तूने मारा ठुमका, तो लट्टू पड़ोसन की भाभी हो गई..."
I sheepishly answered, "Dear beloved, when you assaulted me with a stream of water from a liquid projectile launcher, an ostensibly normal and balanced female became alcoholic... When you wore denim and oscillated your pelvic girdle in one direction, the adjoining resident's sister-in-law began showing symptoms of an obsession-driven psychological disorder..."
Courtesy: Vaibhav Rastogi
कीवर्ड अथवा लेबल
English Jokes,
Funny Jokes,
Hilarious Jokes,
Lost in Translation,
New Jokes,
Vivek Rastogi,
Vivek Rastogi Jokes,
Wrong Translation,
गलत अनुवाद,
नए चुटकुले,
मजेदार चुटकुले,
मजेदार जोक्स,
मस्त चुटकुले,
मस्त जोक्स,
विवेक रस्तोगी,
विवेक रस्तोगी के चुटकुले,
शाब्दिक अनुवाद,
सही अनुवाद,
सेक्सी चुटकुले,
हंसगुल्ले
Monday, September 24, 2012
When Hanuman submitted a TA bill after the journey to bring Sanjeevani Booti...?
After the Lanka War, Hanuman submitted his TA Bill for his tour to pick up the Sanjevani booti, but the Dealing Assistant in the TA Section raised three objections as under...
a) Hanuman did not take permission of King Bharat for undertaking the tour;
b) Hanuman, being a Group 'D' official, was not entitled to Air Travel; and,
c) Hanuman was asked to carry a plant, but instead carried the whole mountain...
Hence, the claim for excess baggage is not acceptable...
When Hanuman invited Ram's attention to the above, he stated that he could do nothing since the queries raised were as per rules...
However, seeing Hanuman's plight, Lakshman volunteered to speak to the dealing assistant and offered him 10 per cent of the amount claimed in the TA Bill...
After that alluring offer, the dealing assistant wrote on file...
I examined this... Since Bharat was ruling as a representative of Ram and since Hanuman had gone on official work under direct directions of Ram, these directions would not only suffice, but would also constitute permission to utilize non-entitled class of travel...
The excess baggage is justified as Hanuman being a Group 'D' official might not have been able to properly identify the proper plant, and, bringing the wrong plant would have entailed multiple journeys, thereby increasing expenditure from the exchequer...
Accordingly, the claim, as submitted, may be passed..."
कीवर्ड अथवा लेबल
English Jokes,
Funny Jokes,
Lakshman,
Lord Hanuman,
Lord Rama,
Rama-Ravana War,
Sanjeevani Booti,
sanjeevani buti,
Vivek Rastogi,
Vivek Rastogi Jokes,
भगवान,
भगवान राम,
भगवान हनुमान,
राम-रावण युद्ध,
लंका युद्ध,
लक्ष्मण,
विवेक रस्तोगी,
विवेक रस्तोगी के चुटकुले,
संजीवनी बूटी,
हंसगुल्ले
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
A very interesting, but true story...
Once upon a time in a village, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rupees 10 each...
The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them...
The man bought thousands of monkeys at Rupees 10 each, and as supply started to decrease, the villagers stopped their efforts...
Then, the man further announced that he would now buy each monkey for Rupees 20...
This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again, but soon, the supply decreased even further and people started going back to their farms...
This time, though the offer rate was increased to Rupees 30, supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it...
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rupees 60 each, however, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy them on behalf of him...
In the absense of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in these big cages here, that boss of mine has collected... I can sell them to you at Rupees 40 each, and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rupees 60 each..."
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys, and started waiting for the man to return...
But they never saw the man nor his assistant ever again, only monkeys everywhere...
Welcome to the stock market...
The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them...
The man bought thousands of monkeys at Rupees 10 each, and as supply started to decrease, the villagers stopped their efforts...
Then, the man further announced that he would now buy each monkey for Rupees 20...
This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again, but soon, the supply decreased even further and people started going back to their farms...
This time, though the offer rate was increased to Rupees 30, supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it...
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rupees 60 each, however, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy them on behalf of him...
In the absense of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in these big cages here, that boss of mine has collected... I can sell them to you at Rupees 40 each, and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rupees 60 each..."
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys, and started waiting for the man to return...
But they never saw the man nor his assistant ever again, only monkeys everywhere...
Welcome to the stock market...
Friday, February 17, 2012
A baby and a few definitions...
- Project Manager is a person, who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month...
- Developer is a person, who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby...
- Onsite Coordinator is the one, who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month...
- Marketing Manager is a person, who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available...
- Resource Optimisation Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources...
- Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document nine months...
- Quality Auditor is the person, who is never happy with the process to produce a baby...
- Client is the one, who doesn't know why he wants a baby...
- Tester is a person, who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby...
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Rajinikanth joins Galileo, Shakespeare, and Bell, on Facebook...
Friday, January 06, 2012
Non-veg fun with pure veg sentences...
Here are a list of the most common sentences used by different professionals, but for fun, you need to read them in continuation...
A Doctor says, "Please take off your clothes..."
A Dentist says, "Now open wide and hold still..."
A Veterinarian says, "Wow, your pussy is really pretty..."
A Gardener says, "Do you want me to fertilise your bush...?"
A Lawyer says, "OK now, let's go over Section 69..."
A Banker says, "If you withdraw too early you lose interest..."
A Chef says, "Would you like it hot and spicy...?"
A Police Officer says, "Do you need protection...?"
An Army Personnel says, "Load... Aim... Fire..."
A Swimming Instructor says, "Go deeper... It will be more fun..."
A Gym Trainer says, "Why don't you push harder...?"
An Interior Decorator says, "Once it's done, you will love it..."
A Telephone Repair Guy says, "Would you like it on the table or against the wall...?"
A Doctor says, "Please take off your clothes..."
A Dentist says, "Now open wide and hold still..."
A Veterinarian says, "Wow, your pussy is really pretty..."
A Gardener says, "Do you want me to fertilise your bush...?"
A Lawyer says, "OK now, let's go over Section 69..."
A Banker says, "If you withdraw too early you lose interest..."
A Chef says, "Would you like it hot and spicy...?"
A Police Officer says, "Do you need protection...?"
An Army Personnel says, "Load... Aim... Fire..."
A Swimming Instructor says, "Go deeper... It will be more fun..."
A Gym Trainer says, "Why don't you push harder...?"
An Interior Decorator says, "Once it's done, you will love it..."
A Telephone Repair Guy says, "Would you like it on the table or against the wall...?"
कीवर्ड अथवा लेबल
English Jokes,
Funny Jokes,
Vivek Rastogi,
मजेदार चुटकुले,
विवेक रस्तोगी,
हंसगुल्ले
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Yet another lot of Rajinikanth one-liners - Rajinikanth Jokes - Part Seven...
- Rajinikanth can make onions cry...
- Ghosts are actually caused by Rajinikanth killing people faster than Yamraj and his team can process them...
- Rajinikanth can build a snowman, out of rain...
- Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone...
- When Rajinikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off...
- When Rajinikanth looks into a mirror, it shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajinikanth and Rajinikanth...
- Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards... But Rajinikanth can throw Brett Favre even further...
- The last digit of pi is Rajinikanth, as he is the end of all things...
- A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people... It is actually a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajinikanth and that you will be handicapped, if you park there...
- If you google search "Rajinikanth getting kicked," your search will generate zero results... It just doesn't happen...
- The only thing that runs faster and longer than Rajinikanth, are his films...
- Rajinikanth's every step creates a mini whirlwind... Hurricane Katrina was the result of a morning jog...
- Where there is a will, there is a way... Where there is Rajinikanth, there is no other way...
- When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he found two missed calls from Rajinikanth...
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
...contrary proverbs...
It actually is not a joke, but a collection of a few proverbs... Proverbs are popularly defined as short expressions of popular wisdom, and one learns from them... But at times, they contradict each other... So, let's take a look at a few such examples...
They say, all good things come to those who wait...
...but...
They also say, time and tide wait for none...
They say, the pen is mightier than the sword...
...but...
They also say, actions speak louder than words...
They say, wise men think alike...
...but...
They also say, fools seldom differ...
They say, the best things in life are free...
...but...
They also say, there is no such thing as a free lunch...
They say, slow and steady wins the race...
...but...
They also say, time waits for none...
They say, look before you leap...
...but...
They also say, strike while the iron is hot...
They say, do it well or not at all...
...but...
They also say, half a loaf is better than none...
They say, birds of a feather flock together...
...but...
They also say, opposites attract...
They say, do not cross your bridges before you reach them...
...but...
They also say, forewarned is forearmed...
They say, doubt is the beginning of wisdom...
...but...
They also say, faith will move mountains...
They say, great starts make great finishes...
...but...
They also say, it is not over till it is over...
They say, practice makes perfect...
...but...
They also say, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...
They say, silence is golden...
...but...
They also say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease...
They say, you are never too old to learn...
...but...
They also say, you cannot teach an old dog new tricks...
They say, what is good for the goose is good for the gander...
...but...
They also say, one man's meat is another man's poison...
They say, absence makes the heart grow fonder...
...but...
They also say, out of sight, out of mind...
They say, too many cooks spoil the broth...
...but...
They also say, many hands make light work...
They say, hold fast to the words of your ancestors...
...but...
They also say, wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them...
...but...
They also say, time and tide wait for none...
They say, the pen is mightier than the sword...
...but...
They also say, actions speak louder than words...
They say, wise men think alike...
...but...
They also say, fools seldom differ...
They say, the best things in life are free...
...but...
They also say, there is no such thing as a free lunch...
They say, slow and steady wins the race...
...but...
They also say, time waits for none...
They say, look before you leap...
...but...
They also say, strike while the iron is hot...
They say, do it well or not at all...
...but...
They also say, half a loaf is better than none...
They say, birds of a feather flock together...
...but...
They also say, opposites attract...
They say, do not cross your bridges before you reach them...
...but...
They also say, forewarned is forearmed...
They say, doubt is the beginning of wisdom...
...but...
They also say, faith will move mountains...
They say, great starts make great finishes...
...but...
They also say, it is not over till it is over...
They say, practice makes perfect...
...but...
They also say, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...
They say, silence is golden...
...but...
They also say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease...
They say, you are never too old to learn...
...but...
They also say, you cannot teach an old dog new tricks...
They say, what is good for the goose is good for the gander...
...but...
They also say, one man's meat is another man's poison...
They say, absence makes the heart grow fonder...
...but...
They also say, out of sight, out of mind...
They say, too many cooks spoil the broth...
...but...
They also say, many hands make light work...
They say, hold fast to the words of your ancestors...
...but...
They also say, wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them...
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
The difference between Good and Bad girls... (Good girls v/s Bad girls)
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it is hot...
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons...
Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini line...
Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies...
Bad girls smile as they know they could do it better...
Good girls wear white cotton panties...
Bad girls don't wear any...
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls...
Good girls pack their toothbrush...
Bad girls pack their diaphragms...
Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it...
Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it...
Good girls wear high heels to work...
Bad girls wear high heels to bed...
Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance...
Bad girls think no place is the wrong place...
Good girls prefer the missionary position...
Bad girls do too, but only for starters...
Good girls say no...
Bad girls say when...
Good girls go to the party, go home, then go to bed...
Bad girls go to the party, go to bed, and then go home...
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons...
Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini line...
Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies...
Bad girls smile as they know they could do it better...
Good girls wear white cotton panties...
Bad girls don't wear any...
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls...
Good girls pack their toothbrush...
Bad girls pack their diaphragms...
Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it...
Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it...
Good girls wear high heels to work...
Bad girls wear high heels to bed...
Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance...
Bad girls think no place is the wrong place...
Good girls prefer the missionary position...
Bad girls do too, but only for starters...
Good girls say no...
Bad girls say when...
Good girls go to the party, go home, then go to bed...
Bad girls go to the party, go to bed, and then go home...
Thursday, November 10, 2011
नए ज़माने की A-B-C-D...
विशेष नोट : मैं इस 'नए ज़माने की A-B-C-D' को भले ही चुटकुलों या हंसगुल्लों के साथ आपके सामने पेश कर रहा हूं, लेकिन मेरे खयाल से आजकल के बच्चों को इस तरह A-B-C-D सिखाने में भी कोई हर्ज़ नहीं होना चाहिए, क्योंकि हम मानें या न मानें, हमारी नई पीढ़ी इन्हीं चीज़ों के बीच बड़ी हो रही है...
यदि चित्र पढ़ने में दिक्कत हो, तो बड़ा करने के लिए उस पर क्लिक करें...
If the image is not readable, click on it to enlarge...
यदि चित्र पढ़ने में दिक्कत हो, तो बड़ा करने के लिए उस पर क्लिक करें...
If the image is not readable, click on it to enlarge...
यदि चित्र पढ़ने में दिक्कत हो, तो बड़ा करने के लिए उस पर क्लिक करें...
If the image is not readable, click on it to enlarge...
If the image is not readable, click on it to enlarge...
Thursday, November 03, 2011
कुछ मजेदार खबरें... (Some funny news...)
कीवर्ड अथवा लेबल
English Jokes,
Funny News,
Picture Jokes,
Vivek Rastogi,
मजेदार खबरें,
मजेदार चुटकुले,
विवेक रस्तोगी,
समाचार,
हंसगुल्ले
कुछ मजेदार विज्ञापन... (Some funny classified advertisements...)
कीवर्ड अथवा लेबल
advertisement,
English Jokes,
Picture Jokes,
Vivek Rastogi,
चुटकुले,
मजेदार चुटकुले,
मजेदार विज्ञापन,
विवेक रस्तोगी,
हंसगुल्ले
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